Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
