She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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