Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
