he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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