I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
