No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We need to rekindle our bromance
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
