I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize