I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
