I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
