also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
