There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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