Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
