All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
