so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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