I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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