Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
