is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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