u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
