Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize