I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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