I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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