Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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