She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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