After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
