she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
