R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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