He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
