omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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