After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
