Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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