im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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