You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
