I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
