Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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