she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
