how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
