we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
