so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
