Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
