Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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