and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
