if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
