he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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