I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
