I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
