I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
