Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
