Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
50% drunk capacity currently
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
