I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
