He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
