Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
