I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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