We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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