Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
