I am puke
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dicks are not precious.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
