I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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