Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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