I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
