i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
