you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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