I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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