Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
