Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
