Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
