i need an iv and a liver transplant
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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