so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
