the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
