i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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