You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
