If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
