Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
