So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
