I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They took my balls.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
