Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
