He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
