Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
