Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
