I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
