why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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