Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
